The Mexican man who claims he has the world’s largest penis (a whopping 18.9 inches when flaccid) says he won’t get a penis reduction, despite warnings from his doctors and the small fact that he can’t actually have sex with such a long and girthy schlong. It’s a pride thing: In Latin culture, bigger penises are considered more macho, which is why 54-year-old Roberto Esquivel Cabrera is perfectly happy keeping his massive python intact, reports The Daily Mail. Besides the havoc that Cabrera’s penis has wreaked on his sex life (perhaps if he had tried these tailored-fit condoms, he would have had more luck), he also has to keep it wrapped in bandages to prevent chafing, as well as sleep chest down with his penis on a little pillow to snooze comfortably through the night.
We know what you’re thinking: 18.9 inches sounds like bullshit. As it turns out, Cabrera’s penis glands stretch only 7 inches, which means the rest is mostly foreskin and blood vessels, according to The Daily Mail.
Doctors learned that Cabrera has been wrapping bands around his boner with weights to stretch it out since he was a teen, which sounds suspiciously like cheating to us. All that extra foreskin has also led to multiple urinary tract infections, and the Mexican government has actually recognized the dick as a disability that prevents Cabrera from working. “I cannot wear a uniform like anybody in the companies and also I cannot get on my knees,” he told Barcroft TV. “I cannot run fast and so the companies think badly of me.”
This isn’t the first time someone so well-endowed has complained about the downsides of having a huge penis. But don’t shed a tear for Cabrera, who’s plenty satisfied with his package, thank you very much. “I am happy with my penis,” said Cabrera. “I don’t feel sad because I know in the U.S. there is a lot of women. One of them will be the right size for me. I would like to be a porn star and I think I would make a lot of money over there.” (And if it turns out he can’t actually use his penis, one of these sex toys would probably get the job done.)
May you get everything you ever wanted and more, Mr. Gigantic Penis Man.